How To Be Confident With Acne
I don’t remember the exact moment when I started to have skin problems. But I think it was around my junior year in high school, when everyone else’s skin seemed to be clearing up, mine for the first time seemed to be breaking out.
Since then, I’ve had bouts of clear skin - briefly when I went on birth control - and also have had periods of raging, cystic acne (coincidentally when I stopped taking birth control). Whilst dealing with acne in your teens is seen as “normal” and a side effect of puberty, having acne as an adult can be deeply stigmatizing and lonely.
Whilst being on this long and nonlinear journey in finding the root cause of my acne over the last five years, I’ve learned a LOT about my body and how to feel good in my skin no matter what state it’s in. And let me tell you, it’s not easy - especially if you’re consuming a media diet of flawless models without a single pore or zit visible on their face.
But if you can learn to master the art of being confident with acne, there is literally nothing that can stop you from feeling empowered by the way you look.
You’re Okay and Worthy
First off, if you are reading this and you are struggling with acne right now, I want to tell you I see you. Sometimes life isn’t fair. You watch your friends who seem to subsist on McDonald’s and coffee and go to bed with their makeup on who STILL seem to have great skin. Meanwhile, you’re on a no-dairy-no-gluten-no-sugar-or-anything-delicious diet changing your pillow sheets every second night and using a $70 cleanser.
It can be hard to articulate to those around how difficult it is to have acne because theoretically, it’s not a big deal. Talk about a twenty-first-century problem. But whilst the physical ramifications of acne are not severe and detrimental to your physical health, the emotional and psychological impacts far outweigh the physical impacts.
Studies have shown a direct link between having acne and increased vulnerability to depression and anxiety. If you need professional support whilst dealing with acne and have access to it, please do so.
It can be deeply isolating and lonely when you do not have a trusted support group or person to turn to on the days when it’s hard to look in the mirror. Cultivate your trusted network, and as much as you can, do NOT avoid friends and social events purely because of your skin. This will only reinforce negative beliefs about yourself and low self-esteem.
The Skin Positivity Movement
Thankfully, in recent years and especially as the Body Positivity movement has taken off, Skin Positivity and diversity are also beginning to trend. In 2018, Justin Bieber declared “acne is in” on his Instagram stories.
Simultaneously, we saw Kendall Jenner rock up to the Golden Globes with some spots, Lorde rant about her acne under “magical tones”, and Lou Northcote rise to the forefront of the #freethepimple campaign which has over 25,000 posts.
Whilst people challenging the stigma around acne has been transformational in opening up a conversation, we are still yet to see this reflected in the mainstream media we consume. Can you imagine if movies, magazines, and advertisements showcased people with their full acne on display instead of trying to make it invisible with tools like Photoshop?
Ultimately, the culture of shame around acne starts in the heralding of “perfect skin” as the only acceptable and “desirable” type of skin. When researching for this article, it broke my heart to see that some of the most common queries around skin are “will guys still like me if I have acne”, proving how deeply ingrained ideas of beauty are in the female psyche.
Of course, this culture of shame also affects boys/men to a great extent too, but historically speaking, women have been under more pressure to conform to a standardized aesthetic based on the idea our worth is determined by how we look.
What I’ve Learnt With Acne
There are so many things I’ve learned about myself whilst dealing with acne. Lessons that I will keep with me even when my skin finally clears up completely. Here are some of the most pertinent ones:
When people try to give you advice or tell you ‘what worked for them’, don’t listen. The underlying reason for acne always differs from person to person - there is no homogenized treatment or quick-fix that clears acne overnight.
Understand they mean well, but trust the professional help of a GP/dermatologist/naturopath over an acquaintance who recommends “lemon and bicarb soda”. And likewise, watching hours of “how I cleared my skin” videos won’t be very helpful, although they are great for finding community and feeling less alone.
People don’t care as much as you think. The people you love are not thinking “oh my god what happened to her”. They are seeing you as a whole, worthy and amazing human being. Everyone is honestly too busy worrying about themselves to care that you have some zits on your face.
You can’t be too hard on yourself. Whenever a new breakout appears, you can’t berate yourself and say “I shouldn’t have had the ice cream with friends” or “it’s my fault for drinking too much coffee”.
You have to let go of the guilt and obsession about what’s causing you to breakout. Often, it’s hormonal and beyond much of our external control (which is why you should always consult a medical professional).
Patience is a virtue. Healing your skin isn’t going to happen overnight. And it probably won’t be linear either - who else can relate to having your skin *finally* clearing up one month only to be bombarded by a giant pimple cluster the next? Any treatment that is truly going to work will probably take time.
Trust that this is only temporary and trust that your body is doing all that it can to heal itself.
Beauty is a feeling. Around the same time my skin started to break out really badly again, I was taking the Benshen course which is a month-long journey taught by Desiree Pais. The course talks a lot about beauty, the divine feminine, and practicing Venus rituals.
Giving myself daily almond oil massages and dressing up in my clothes that made me feel beautiful empowered me to see beyond my acne. I could still be a radiant, sensual and beautiful woman even with skin issues and nothing could take that away from me.
How To Feel Confident With Acne
So how on earth can you feel confident when acne seems to be running the show? These are the things that have helped me along the way.
Mirror work
Everyday as I was washing my face and looking in the mirror, I would repeat to myself out-loud how grateful I am for my skin and its capacity to heal.
Telling your skin that you’re here for it and supporting it through mirror work lets your subconscious know that you accept yourself as you are. If you don’t feel comfortable saying “I love my skin”, take baby steps such as “I know my skin is going through a tough time but it’s healing everyday” can help alleviate difficult emotions and ultimately generate confidence through radical self-love.
Curate your social media following
The Skin Positivity movement is AMAZING so make sure you follow the hashtags and accounts of people with acne. Even if you’re not aware of it consciously, your feed and the photos you consume reinforce how you conceptualize beauty. It’s why we socially think that acne is “bad”, simply because it is made invisible.
It’s why in my magazine I made last year I included a self-portrait series by Elona Beqiraj of herself with acne, to illuminate how beauty really emanates from a person regardless of their skin. The more you expose yourself to people with acne and “imperfect” skin, especially on social media, the more you will feel confident and empowered by your own.
Wear makeup or don’t wear makeup; you do you boo.
Pretty much everyone will say you shouldn’t wear makeup to hide your acne because it needs to “breathe” and it will irritate it more. I argue the counter, or rather to do what you need to do to feel confident when leaving the house.
If that involves wearing makeup, then do it. If you don’t want to wear makeup and don’t give a flying f**k, then don’t. Basically the less you think about your skin, the more confident you will feel and sometimes that means putting on a dab of concealer or mineral powder.
Reframe how you define yourself.
What you focus on expands. Does this mean you should never talk to anyone about your struggles with acne or express your “negative” emotions? Of course not! Find your support group. But it is also helpful to really hone in on the qualities that you love about yourself.
Your personality quirks, skills, talents, hobbies, approach to life. Your vibe and aura are why people love to be around you - it has nothing to do with how you look and the state of your skin.
Remind yourself daily or whenever you’re having a moment of doubt how freaking amazing you are as a whole human being. This is what matters in life, not the fact you have these bizarre red spots temporarily on your face (I mean, objectively acne is just super weird right?).
Trust me when I say that when you reflect back on your life, acne is not going to be the defining moment of what makes you who you are.
If you ever want to talk more about skin and bond with me over this long and twisting skin journey, feel free to DM me on Instagram or comment below on your experiences coping with acne. The more we shed light on the experiential truth of living with acne, the better we can dismantle the unhealthy beliefs of what it means to be beautiful and in the process reclaim our self-confidence as badass awesome humans.
Chiara Christian is a Gemini writer with a passion for understanding others and the world around her. You can check out her website here and follow her meanderings @ageministory.