The Signs & Dangers of Spiritual Bypassing
Spiritual bypassing is a phenomenon that occurs when individuals use spiritual practices or beliefs as a means of avoiding or bypassing uncomfortable or painful emotions, experiences, or situations. It can take many forms, from denying the existence of negative emotions to overly emphasizing positive thinking, detachment, or spiritual growth.
While spiritual practices can be transformative and healing, spiritual bypassing can be harmful and counterproductive. This blog post will explore the signs and dangers of spiritual bypassing and offer tips for avoiding falling into this trap.
The Dark Side of Spirituality
We all have ideas about what it means to be a spiritual person, from what one wears, to how one feels to relationships, habits, and routines. As a result, we tend to associate spirituality with connotations of 'goodness' and perfectionism, measured up against our own imagined ideals.
Practicing spirituality can make a profound impact on one's life. Yet, this makes it easy to overlook the dark side of spirituality — spiritual bypassing.
It had never even crossed my mind that it was possible to co-opt spirituality as an unhealthy coping mechanism, like how one might lean on drugs and alcohol.
It wasn't until I went backpacking around Turkey for six weeks last year that I came face-to-face with my heavy reliance on spiritual practices as a way to avoid deeper issues.
Staying in hostels, constantly surrounded by others, I dropped most of my meditation and self-development practices. All of these uncomfortable emotions began to surface, coupled with intense anxiety and the panic of losing a sense of control. I was a jumbled and erratic mess; I blamed not meditating.
What became blatantly obvious was that I had become a victim of spiritual bypassing. I avoided, evaded, and deflected parts of myself through spirituality, using it as a bandaid to cover up the 'wounds' underneath which hadn't been dealt with.
What is spiritual bypassing?
John Wellwood, a prominent Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist in the 80s coined the term spiritual bypassing. He defined it as using "spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional 'unfinished business,' to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks."
Most of us are well aware of 'toxic positivity' where one may attempt to endlessly feel good to not 'attract' bad things into their lives, often practiced alongside the slogan "our thoughts create our reality."
But there are deeper layers of spiritual bypassing, which appear more subtle. In my case, I used spiritual practices as a way to compensate for low self-esteem and social anxiety.
Meditation and yoga felt safer and within my 'control,' allowing me to withdraw from uncomfortable emotions and the messiness of reality. However, it was an excuse to avoid fostering human connection; it masked the feeling of loneliness yet isolated me further.
At the core of all spiritual bypassing are avoidance and repression. How it shows up for you might differ from classic examples, so practicing self-awareness is key.
Signs Of spiritually bypassing
While spiritual bypassing may show up for everyone differently, here are some common signs of spiritual bypassing:
Denial of negative emotions
People who engage in spiritual bypassing often deny or suppress negative emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, or grief. They may try to convince themselves that they are always happy or at peace, even when they are not.
Anger avoidance — random emotional outbursts which surface when you 'lose control,' general emotional avoidance/repression
Overemphasis on positivity
Spiritual bypassers focus excessively on positive thinking, affirmations, or visualization techniques. They may believe that simply thinking positive thoughts or visualizing a better future will manifest their desires or heal their wounds.
Being overly optimistic while minimizing/avoiding the negative
Constantly reaching for spirituality to get you through times of crisis, e.g., obsessing over horoscopes, spending a lot of money on psychics and 'healings,' rationalizing your experiences and feelings through spiritual practices ("I'm this way because of my astrology placement, chakra imbalance" etc.), choosing to meditate instead of feeling your emotions.
Detachment from reality
Spiritual bypassers may detach themselves from their emotions or the world around them. They may use spiritual concepts such as detachment or non-attachment to avoid engaging with their feelings or taking responsibility for their actions.
Being overly detached from situations/experiences/people around you
Relating to the world solely through spiritual concepts without acknowledging reality
Avoiding social problems that may disrupt your spiritual practice routine
Judgment of others
Spiritual bypassers may judge others for their negative emotions or experiences. They may believe that others are not spiritually evolved enough or that they are responsible for their own suffering.
Cutting people out of your life who "aren't on your frequency" or labeling people as "toxic" to avoid challenging relationships
Judging other people for feeling negative emotions or minimizing their experiences
dangers of Spiritual Bypassing
Spiritual bypassing is a psychological process and form of cognitive dissonance. Ironically, spiritual bypassing prevents us from spiritual growth, stunting our emotional capacity to deal with uncomfortable truths.
The most dangerous part of spiritual bypassing is that it causes us to disconnect from ourselves and everyone around us. Therapist Annie Wright calls it a "form of psychological disintegration and projection," where the disownment of certain aspects of ourselves leads us to become disintegrated and psychologically 'un-whole.'
The lessons and effects can't take place over time, even if you have rigorously practiced spirituality. And often, these uncomfortable truths will resurface and rear their ugly heads again, causing you to be confronted with the fact they haven't honestly been dealt with.
Here are some of the dangers of spiritual bypassing:
Suppression of emotions
When we deny or suppress our negative emotions, we may experience physical, emotional, or psychological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, chronic pain, or addiction. We may also develop a sense of disconnection from ourselves and others.
Avoidance of growth and healing
Spiritual bypassers may avoid facing their wounds, traumas, or shadows, preventing them from growing and healing. They may also miss opportunities to learn from their experiences or develop empathy and compassion for others.
Reinforcement of spiritual ego
Spiritual bypassers may develop a sense of superiority or self-righteousness, believing they are more spiritually evolved or enlightened than others. This can create a distance between themselves and others and prevent them from developing authentic relationships.
Harmful impact on others
When we judge or dismiss others' experiences or emotions, we may harm them by invalidating their feelings or blaming them for their suffering. This can create a sense of shame or guilt and prevent them from seeking help or support.
How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing
Here are some tips on how to avoid falling into the trap of spiritual bypassing:
Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors without judgment or suppression. Notice when you avoid uncomfortable feelings or situations and explore them with curiosity and compassion.
Embrace your humanity: Recognize that negative emotions and experiences are a natural part of being human. Allow yourself to feel and express them in healthy ways, such as journaling, talking to a friend, or seeking professional support.
Cultivate empathy and compassion: Practice putting yourself in others' shoes and recognizing their humanity and dignity. Avoid judging or dismissing others' emotions or experiences and offer support, validation, or empathy.
Engage in spiritual practices mindfully: Practice spiritual practices such as meditation, mindfulness, or prayer mindfully, without using them as a means of avoiding or bypassing your emotions or experiences. Use them as tools for self-reflection, growth, and healing.
Spiritual Bypassing Journal Prompts
Spiritual bypassing runs very deep within those of us who practice spirituality — at some point, almost all of us have engaged with it in some capacity. It can come as a rude shock once we realize this and choose to confront it because it's so clever at hiding in the shadows.
Here are some final journal prompts for reflection and tips for confronting how you might spiritually bypass.
How do you face your emotions without the buffer of spirituality?
What do you reach for when a difficult feeling or situation arises? Do you immediately go for a meditation/mantra/other healing modality? Or do you acknowledge the feeling and sit with it?
What parts of yourself are you uncomfortable labeling as 'bad,' 'unacceptable,' or 'not spiritual'?
Have you ever thought you overcame a 'pattern' only to have it resurface again later?
How does spirituality allow you to escape from your reality?
How does practicing spirituality will enable you to retain some semblance of control?
Spiritual Bypassing and Black Lives Matter
There has never been a more critical time to look at spiritual bypassing. After the brutal murder of George Floyd in May and ensuing protests worldwide, change, action, and accountability are desperately needed by those, who benefit from white supremacy and contribute to upholding systemic oppression. This includes most of the spiritual community.
As discussed in this Medium article, inaction by those in the spiritual community during times of injustice maintains the system of white supremacy, built upon the foundation of indifference and minimizing BIPOC experiences.
Responding to the protests by labeling them as 'extreme' or 'too violent' points back towards a position of privilege to remain uninvolved. Avoiding informing yourself on these issues because you're 'too sensitive,' claiming to be 'uninterested' in politics, and regurgitating slogans like "we're all one" or "love and light" is highly dismissive of the reality and seriousness of oppression.
Spiritually bypassing by glossing over the BLM movement invalidates BIPOC feelings and experiences, signaling that their reality does not matter.
I still have a ways to go in dismantling my unique version of white supremacy, but I've started chipping away at it, and believe me, it is the deepest shadow work you will ever do.
The workbook Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad is a great starting point for this work.
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Chiara Christian is a Gemini writer with a passion for understanding others and the world around her. You can check out her website here and follow her meanderings @ageministory.